Whitish Lives Matter | Literate Ape 2067

By Chris Churchill—umm, no, not Chris Churchill, “Gray David”

Dateline: Old Chicago, 2067

It’s been 25 years since that magic year of 2042 where, as predicted, whites were no longer the majority in the Reorganized States of America. Everything went as the social scientists predicted. Now, there are far more People of Color in the country. There are now far more People of Color in power throughout the country.

What was not anticipated was that now, the white people, the real white people, the Whitish, were scared. I mean more scared than usual. They used to be scared 100 years prior, but now, this was scared. They were the unrepentant descendants of people who had willfully ignored the cries of innocent black and brown people. They were the descendants of those who said “All Lives Matter” when giving a kneejerk, hurt feelings, self-centered retort to a movement that made them nervous but that they cared little to investigate. Certainly, they could have looked deeply into the issues that Black Lives Matter was bringing to light but instead, because it felt like they were being attacked, they chose to ignore the message of Black Lives Matter and see only their own fear; a fear based in a gnawing sense of culpability and deserved punishment for the dehumanizing of another group of humans.

I was white in 2017. I got the Dolezal Procedure, though. I could no longer align myself with those who chose to differentiate themselves from the rest of the natural world and of humanity by suggesting whiteness was a deserved prize for—well, for what?—having done nothing to have deserved being born in the so-called "superior race," it was hard to see what they thought they were being rewarded for. Was it a pre-life decision? A previous life decision? Who knows? Who knows what the Whitish believed.

My name is Gray David. I chose my race. I chose my history. You can do that now. I chose my name too. I didn’t like the idea that one could say, “I’m color blind" and have it mean that they didn’t see race when they looked at someone when clearly they did see race. Or else why did they just bring it up? I chose "Gray" because even without color, they definitely saw the world as black or white. I chose David because that was my favorite uncle’s name.

I just wanted to report back to you in 2017 Chicago (the eventual capital of the RSA, because what? When the oceans rose, were we going to move the capitol to New Jersey?), that Literate Ape is still doing well. The brains of Don Hall and David Himmel are really enjoying the “Extra-life” that their wealth has afforded them. Chris Churchill is still using his mostly Anglo-Saxon meat body to get around. He says he likes how it feels.

Chris Churchill is still using his mostly Anglo-Saxon meat body to get around. He says he likes how it feels.

Chris Churchill is still using his mostly Anglo-Saxon meat body to get around. He says he likes how it feels.

I, Gray David, am the most prolific full-time correspondent with Literate Ape now. I am the raceless, faceless, tasteless, future historian of Literate Ape and I’m here with a message about the Whitish. They’re upset. It turns out that for the past 20 years, they have been getting repaid for the sins of their forefathers. The People of Color (who you now must realize have, in most cases, chosen to be People of Color) have chosen to remove Whiteness from the globe. Well, not officially. They, officially, want to “remove the scourge of the historical evils and current repercussions from the world by removing any possibility of any person or persons from benefiting from Whiteness.” In general, most people get it. Whiteness was a genetic fluke. Some loser humans were kicked out of Africa tens of thousands of years ago and about 7–10,000 years ago they began to adapt to the environmental factors associated with living great distances from the equator. The unbrown eyes, the straight thin hair, the pale skin. These things were all the genetic adaptations of the losers. Those expelled from Eden.

I’m on the scene right now. The last of the voluntarily Whitish are feeling a great fear, sadness and pressure. They are being told from all of those in power that they have to relinquish their Whiteness. They are too proud, though. They won’t do it. The leader of the Whitish, an AI android named PhiloBlanco, has given all the most logical arguments his coding and learning programs could muster and still the leader of the People of Color, an AI android named André 4000, could not or would not choose to see their point of view.

PhiloBlanco suggested that there was no reason that the current Whitish should not have some pride in their past. It wasn’t all perfect, but there was some good stuff. Everyone had a racist grandparent but those people were generally good people with a major shortcoming. Like alcoholics and the mentally ill. Ever since technology made it impossible for anyone to actually be killed by physical violence, racism has been pretty harmless. Still, André 4000 contends that Whiteness and the associated history and motives of it be removed from history. PhiloBlanco contends that removing it is unfair to those who identify as Whitish.

Still, André 4000 contends that Whiteness and the associated history and motives of it be removed from history. PhiloBlanco contends that removing it is unfair to those who identify as Whitish.

Still, André 4000 contends that Whiteness and the associated history and motives of it be removed from history. PhiloBlanco contends that removing it is unfair to those who identify as Whitish.

Well, just so you know, there’s a big standoff right now. Hundreds of thousands of people have gathered in, around and are hovering above Obama Park in Old Chicago to hash things out. They are chanting for the removal of Whiteness; not just the people but the culture and history and contributions of the Whitish. PhiloBlanco has extended itself, raising his physical form to its full 800-foot height and is using its forcefield to protect the Whitish. They want to separate from humanity as a whole in order to preserve who they are. They may head for Mars and see what happens. (The dark side of the moon is out, of course, ever since the alien base was discovered.) You may or may not like the Whitish or what you think they stand for, but I wonder, if situations were reversed, what would you do? What could you say?

André 4000 has one message for PhiloBlanco and the Whitish: “Whiteness is irrelevant, inconvenient and uncomfortable to the People of Color of the Reorganized States of America and must be destroyed.”

PhiloBlanco, after working for months on the most appropriate, accurate and concise message he could deliver to the world regarding this issue, decides to speak:

“Whitish Lives Matter”

The crowd falls silent.

Then, as even a meatbrain from 2017 might have predicted, the silence is broken by grumbling, murmuring, and eventually shouting.

“All Lives Matter!” The crowd begins to chant. The crowd continues to chant. Until PhiloBlanco and the Whitish disappear into space—for good.

This is Gray David signing off. Have a great future!