Summer Movie Round Up 2017!

By Brian Sweeney

Welcome back, folks, to Cinema Sweeneyma with me, Brian Sweeney! This past summer movie season had many wonderful films, along with a few duds. Let’s get into my Summer Movie Round Up 2017!

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GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: VOL. 2
The summer started out with a bang with the lovable ragtag band of space misfits headed by the ever-affable Chris Pratt. While Rocket and Baby Groot are obviously the most recognizable and memorable characters in the Guardians franchise, it was Kurt Russell’s character Ego, the father of Chris Pratt’s character, that stole the show with his emotional depth. FULL DISCLOSURE: I need to rewatch this one, because I had a very bad headache during the screening. 

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WONDER WOMAN
June brought us the truly great Wonder Woman. Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot brought about a terrific movie that satisfied both fans and non-fans of the iconic superheroine. With this, the DC Cinematic Universe finally became a competitor to Marvel. This is another one I have to rewatch. I had a splitting headache during it. My head actually hurt all summer. It still hurts now as I’m writing this. It’s very hard to concentrate. I hear it whisper.

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CARS 3
The once invincible Pixar has moved into a hit-or-miss studio. Pixar movies are either Inside Out or they are The Good Dinosaur. Cars 3 is definitely in the lesser, latter category. It’s a fine movie, but we expect more from Pixar than merely passable fare. The whisper keeps getting louder. It keeps getting louder. I can’t make out the words. I don’t even know if they are words. 

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BABY DRIVER
The opening of the flesh helped seal the coming of the drowned screams in its cage so much blood i know he will be happy with me when he sets his all seeing eye upon the hurt and broken that i have lain out for him with such malice so much blood he who is the is and all and shall be comes at eve but once he is here you will be in so much agony as you all will be so much so much so much so much so much so much so much

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SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING
Tom Holland is a delight.

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TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT
i am becoming yiz ans lon yiz iz zae md ud ir ya ziggch aem o yaaiabbi naed yonnes aer zes zaer yabbia lizz xa daoya s'ar esaeu ona gaera e esaeun saog qae naed oz ozz esaeu awabbi soq aeyabbi ozz saehg zaena zota zothlikh i see you now reading this i will feast upon the insides of your chest and crack the bones from your ribcage one by one as you scream with such exquisite suffering

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THE EMOJI MOVIE
Where am I? Hello? I can’t see anything. It’s all black. I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING! HELLO! Oh God. Where am I? What’s that? It sounds like… It sounds like… Teeth? Teeth hitting each other and gnashing and chattering. The smell. My God the smell. What is that smell? It feels so warm in here. So dark. What? WHAT IS THAT? It feels like it’s… It’s inside my head… Under my scalp… But I… I can’t feel my face… I can’t… WHERE ARE MY HANDS?! I… I can’t open my mouth… I HAVE NO MOUTH! HELP! WHAT WHAT IS THAT? WHATISTHATWHAT WHAT IS HELPMEHELPMEHELPMEOHGODPLEASESOMEBODYPLEASEMOMMYHELPMEHEL