I Want Someone to See What is Good in Me

I Want Someone to See What is Good in Me

By Elizabeth Harper

Some say we are all sinners
I don’t believe in sin
Don’t believe in God either
But Laawwdd I know I’m not perfect
though I try to be
every day as I struggle to get out of bed
make my way
get through the day

Can’t know everything
Learn the hard way
Make mistakes
Make a mess

Maybe that’s why some believe in a God they can’t see
pray to a god who never answers
They want to believe someone sees them trying
hears their sincere apologies
knows what’s in their hearts that are always breaking
and can’t help breaking others’

If you ask me I’m very existential
I say everything I do is right and good
because I’m the one who does it
I am the creator of value
and yes I believe that’s true
and yes I know many will stare at me like I’m a monster
if I say that aloud with a straight face

And while I may experience my actions as self-chosen
though no doubt they’re predetermined by a mass conglomeration
of causes and effects too complex to be fathomed
there is so much that I didn’t choose, wouldn’t choose, couldn’t choose
and I struggle laawwdd I struggle
to get out of bed
to not beat my self up
to try again and step back
and try another way and learn from that
and try again

And maybe in the trying is the growing
And some might say it’s in the trying where the good lies
but it won’t be bad if I stop trying
sometimes the best thing is to stop trying
Stop trying so hard to make it come out a certain way
Because what do you know?
How could you know?
Maybe it’s best to just let events play out
in their own time their own way
Maybe effort is sin
And trust the only faith

 

I Believe… [I Would've Taped Those Meetings, Too]

I Believe… [I Would've Taped Those Meetings, Too]

Being the crappy person in the relationship

Being the crappy person in the relationship