The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The “N” Word
Emergency White House Meeting
The Situation Room, The White House, 11:30am
In Attendance: Donald Trump, John Kelly, Kellyanne Conway,
Recorded in secret by Rudy Giuliani
Trump: I just want to go on record and say that I have never said the word "n#gg#r".
Kelly: Sir, you just said it.
Trump: Said what?
Kelly: The “n” word.
Kelly: Please stop saying it.
Trump: I’m not saying it. I don’t even have the word “n#gg#r” in my vocabulary.
Kelly: And yet-
Trump: I’m just saying it to tell you I don’t say it. I’m using it in general. I’m not talking about a specific n#gg#r.
Conway: What was it you called Kanye the other day?
Trump: I called him “my n#gg#r”. That’s different. That’s a term of endearment to those people. That’s just being friendly and letting them know I like them. If I can’t call them that, what should I call them? Brother? What if it's a woman n#gg#r?
Kelly: How about "people of color"?
Trump: It's okay to call them "coloreds"? Just like dear old dad! I am making America great again.
Giuliani: Look, even if you did say n#gg#r, which you clearly never have and would not, it’s not against the law. It’s Freedom of Speech. Your second favorite amendment, sometimes.
Conway: I have a plan, President Trump. We start hitting the public and your rallies hard with all the positive things you have done for the black community. We let all the black people sit closer to the stage. We set up appearances for you at black places, like Church’s.
Giuliani: Houses of worship in Harlem?
Conway: Wherever they sell their chicken, we’ll send Trump. You’ll shake hands with as many black people as possible. Black babies, too. And, whenever you can, say the word n#gg#r, but in a very friendly way. Everyone will think it’s normal because the president does it. We can also start calling each other n#gg#r and call all the news hosts n#gg#r. We will change the meaning of the word and the perception of anyone who thinks you are a racist.
Trump: I like it. What do we call this?
Conway: Operation: Dark Ease.
Trump: Dark Ease? Dark Ease. Dark Ease! I like it. Get the guys who did the Space Force logo. I see something like me with black people and maybe a big white cross to emphasize my faith.
Giuliani: And you can be holding a flaming sword of truth.
Trump: Might get too busy. Just set the cross on fire.