twenty or thirty or whatever number of things i have learned from the three times (and two half-times) i have fallen in love.

twenty or thirty or whatever number of things i have learned from the three times (and two half-times) i have fallen in love.

by Peter Kremidas

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  1. Everybody has a cost of admission. Every single person you will ever meet, over enough time, will at least have some small annoyances about them. It is likely that at least one of these annoyances will drive you up the god damn wall with a flaming pitchfork. That is the price you pay to be around this human. And the decision you are presented with in every relationship is whether or not putting up with that shit is a fair enough price to pay for the sincere privilege of experiencing their many wonderful qualities, and all the countless things we love about them, of which we find more every day.

2. Your cost of admission is much higher than you think it is.

3. Wind is to fire as absence is to love, it can snuff out a small one or make a big one even bigger.

4. Listen.

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5. When someone shows you who they are,

believe them.

6. Listen.




7. If: shake a lava lamp,
 
then: the oil and wax gets all mixed up into a big mess. 

Number of options: 1. 

Option: Wait. 

Result: Eventually, over an undeterminable period of time, the oil and wax will completely separate and you will have a regular looking lava lamp again. 

This is pretty much the exact same process that needs to happen before you can be friends again after a break up.

8.                                                   Some games

                    are better to lose

than they are to play.

 

9. As far as I can tell, I hate everything that airs on Bravo.

 

                                                                           10. I should have just shut up and watched Bravo.

 

11. Feelings exist outside the realm of logic, as well they should. We are born with our faculties for experiencing them built into the human software. Emotions are there because of billions upon billions of years of evolution as a learning tool. Also wired into the software is pattern recognition. This learning process and inborn biology are a part and parcel of being a human creature. Emotions teach us pain avoidance behaviors. Get bit by a dog as a kid, emotional life says ‘no more dogs’, and now someone is scared of dogs for life unless they learn otherwise. Irrational? Sure. But also completely valid.

With this in mind, note the fact that every person, in addition to being an experiment in nature that will never be repeated, experiences untold millions of stories in their lifetime. And these stories make their way into the aforementioned learning center of emotions in ways big, small, forgotten, seared into memory, and specific to every individual. And while there are many similarities between us, everyone’s experience is nonetheless different.

Therefore, 

Just because you cannot understand someone else's feelings does not mean those feelings are stupid.

12.

The deepest love is felt in silence and without thought.

13.

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Listen.

14.

...it is so...

                                                              ...so muchly much... 

                                                                                                                   ...much more important...

                                                     ...to be kind...

...than it is to be right

.

15. If you are doing the bare minimum to make sure the boat stays afloat, 

it won't.

 

16.

IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR YOU ARE HACKING YEARS OFF OF THE END OF YOUR LIFE EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY DAY.

 

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17. Sometimes help can feel like an insult.

 

 

18. When it comes to empathy, don't make it about you. It is not about you.

19. It is, in fact, in general, not about you.

20. Admit your mistakes, apologize, then do better.

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21. Listen.

22. Fuck like you mean it.

23. It is possible to meet the exact right person at the exact wrong time.

24. Don't stay with cheaters, even if you love them. And forgive them, they simply do not want the same things you do right now, or have no idea what they want. Actions, as much as it hurts to admit it, do speak louder than words. And by that measure they have just told you that this is what they want. And that is okay. But don't make it your problem. You don't have time to wait for them to figure it out while there is someone out there who will love you just as much, whom you will love more, and wants the same things as you. Get out, wish them well, and throw away all the pictures and ticket stubs and gifts and memories as fast as possible. This is a sucky decision to make.

I do not know every single person's situation, so surely there are exceptions. But, based on the experiences of myself, my friends, and just my not-insignificant amount of time on this earth, these exceptions are very very rare. I can say with about 98% certainty that getting out of that relationship is the right call.

For reference as to what needs to happen before you can be friends again, shake a lava lamp.

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25.

Let each other have your own inner lives and alone time. You are both going to grow and change, just like everybody else does, during the entire course of this relationship.  26. The journey of your lover's change can be beautiful or tear the two of you apart. 27. Don't overdo alone time. 28. It is okay to keep small secrets from each other. 29. Find the balance of being a loving a supportive partner and being honest when their art sucks. Definitely don't say "sucks."

30. Sometimes love is simply not enough to sustain a relationship. This is a horse pill of a bitter pill to swallow. May you never need.

31.  Complacency is the trap that leads to taking it for granted. Don't.

32. After considerable consideration, I have found the that the practice of not allowing oneself to care in order to prevent oneself from being hurt to be woefully ineffective and costly. It is therefore concluded that love, of anybody or anything, is very much worth the risk.

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33. Listen.

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