I Believe… [Age is Just a Number That Means You're Old]

I Believe… [Age is Just a Number That Means You're Old]

By Don Hall

…that the president's insistence — that those who refused to clap for his Big Speech — isn't that surprising considering he is the Social Media President. In a societal landscape that indicates that your opinion is only validated by digital hearts and thumbs up, the desperate and cloying exigence for validation is the modern norm.

…that when you say "Age is just a number" my feet and lower back wanna sock you repeatedly in the junk until you acknowledge that age is decay and decay is the ever approaching sound of mortality. Maybe lose the "just." "Age is a number" is more true and less damning of the fact I'm wearing bifocals.

…that, just like a watched pot never boiling and an OKCupid date never meeting your expectations, a package delivery or cable repair man waited upon will never show up.

…that a policy of zero tolerance for anything — drug offenses, sexual harassment accusations, parking tickets, whatever — is and has always been the policy of the worst humanity has to offer.

…that you're going to go see "Solo" regardless of the trailer. Christ, they could've shown Han Solo talking at length about body image to Jar Jar Binks and you'd still go so just shut up and own your relentless Star Wars nerdism. I'll see you there...

Solo-a-Star-Wars-Story-New-Millennium-Falcon.jpg
Don't Give Me a Hard Time About Condoms and Other Pickup One-Night Stand Caveats

Don't Give Me a Hard Time About Condoms and Other Pickup One-Night Stand Caveats

Let's Not Have a Military Parade, Let's Have a Military Blowout

Let's Not Have a Military Parade, Let's Have a Military Blowout