The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Trump Apologizes to Plantation Owners

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Trump Apologizes to Plantation Owners

 Plantation owners have been treated most unfairly.

Plantation owners have been treated most unfairly.

By Joe Janes

President Donald Trump (Number 17) meeting with the Southern Association of Plantation Owners in The White House Grand Ballroom. 

October 10, 1866, 11:30am

Minutes recorded by Stanford Dillerman, White House Intern

Trump - I want to thank you all for meeting with me today. You all work very hard. I work hard. I have land down south. I know how hard you work. No one knows better than Trump. You have been through a lot over the last few years. You lost a lot of workers. Some of you lost your homes. Your lives have been destroyed. Ruined! In shatters. It’s a scary time to be a plantation owner. On behalf of the American people, I just want to say sorry for what they, the democrats, put you through. None of this had to happen. I watched The Civil War closely. I have all the American newspapers read to me. The Faux Media said so many horrible things about you. The democrats are pure evil. The burning of Atlanta. Such a great city. What a shame. There were good and bad people on both sides. But most of the bad people, I think you’ll agree, were on the other side. Right? Lincoln was the worst president in history and just look at the mess he left for me. Everybody says, “Look at the mess Dishonest Abe left you. He left such a mess.” Lincoln is lucky he got shot. If he hadn’t been shot, he’d be in jail, right now. He made a mess of everything. But, you know what, I don’t care. I have a big brain. I have the best people around me. Donald Trump cares about you. That was your property. He had no right to give away your property, unless a hurricane swept up your slaves and they landed in his back yard, which they did not, they weren’t his to do anything with. You’re going to have to hire people, which, I tell you, is great for the unemployment numbers, but I get it. You didn’t get those big, gorgeous houses paying salaried employees. I’m working on getting you fine American farmers — a plantation is a farm, right? You have such beautiful names for farms — subsidies to keep you going during these rough times. Trump will take care of you. If I could return your slaves, I would. It’s a constitutional amendment thing, now. Not an easy thing to change, but, I tell you this, those “free” slaves…they aren’t so free, are they? They cost you a lot of money. As you know, I opposed the fourteenth amendment to grant slaves citizenship. We have enough immigrants in America. The slaves have come North to take our jobs. They have already shown they are willing to work for less. I promise you,  If we find any and they don’t have the appropriate papers or are breaking the laws, it’s, “Adios, Harriet Taubman(sic)! Back to Africa you go!”

 President Trump has found a former slave that he wants to have deported back to her native land.

President Trump has found a former slave that he wants to have deported back to her native land.

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