I AM Being Compassionate, Ya Dumb Fuckhead

by Peter Kremidas

Hey shut up and listen to me, you fucking milksops. Why are you upset at me? What did I say this time that got all y'all all sulky and pebble kicking? What? Did I hurt your feelings? I didn't want to hurt your feelings. So what is it? What did I say that hurt you so bad?

That's it?! That's what's got you all bent out of shape? Aw, well cry me a fuckin' bayou because it's the whole lord's truth whether that feels good to hear or not. Deal with it now or face much worse than hurt feelings later.

Be what?! More compassionate?! Christ on a crippled crutch.

Alright. Have a seat. Put your own personal bullshit to the side for a minute and I'll explain this to you in a way you might not agree with but can't disagree with unless you've got whatever fact averse fuckin' chromosome mental disorder that republicans have got.

Alright. Anyways. So for some goddamn reason I don't know why. When people think of compassion they think it's a great big hug from your kind eyed aunt. Just a big fat warm nuzzle from her. She makes you some tea. You spend all afternoon at her place talking about the things on your mind and she's a great listener. You cry. She cries with you. You have some hot soup and watch a good film in a pile of pillows. When you leave, you feel so much better.

And guess what? Yeah, that IS compassion. Totally. It's nice and warm and good and full of snuggles. It's totally that. But you know what else? Compassion is also being real and present for people you care about. It's attentiveness, openness and honesty. Yes, even if it feels bad. You sissy.

You know what your true good friends will do for you? The people who really care? They'll tell you when you've got some shit in your teeth. Because they don't want you to embarrass yourself. You know what some co-worker acquaintance who-gives-a-fuck will do? Not a damn thing. Because they'd rather be polite than honest, and now everybody just judged you and they know how gross you are. Nice.

And here's the thing, your best friend, the other humans emotionally closest and most authentic selves with you? The ones truly sharing this journey through time that makes fuck all sense with you? The ones that have your back and actually actively will inconvenience themselves to help you when you fuck up (because you fuck up all the time, you fuck up)? They know you're a disgusting non-brushing never-flossing slob. They know that's why you have something in your teeth. And hey, they love you anyway. 

These are people who actually believe, despite all the shit wrong with you, and Christ almighty there is a lot wrong with you, that at the end of the day well you're just fuckin' bee's tits. And because they feel that way, your life is so so so much easier. Because they're people who love you enough to say you done fucked up. But they know other people don't know all that cool shit about you. For some reason, they think you're awesome and want other people to know that too, and you deserve a better first impression than your gross oral hygiene. So get that shit out of your mouth, you beautiful cherished dumbass.

The least compassionate person is the person who feeds you feel good bullshit that just kicks the can down the road. Like the person who says "everything happens for a reason". Everything does not happen for a reason. People who say that are too simple to help you at all. Smile, walk away, and go learn true things so you can sooner handle and therefore navigate the reality of the world you are living in.

Now, there are a bunch of people who will think that the above paragraph is pessimism. It's not. Pessimism is not the absence of positivity. Pessimism is the presence of negativity. Pessimism presumes bad results. Negativity is saying something is in some way bad. What I am saying is neutral. It's just a fact. Telling you that there is no such thing as destiny is not pessimism. Telling you that everything is going to turn out terrible IS pessimism. Telling you that there is no such thing as a soul mate is not pessimism. Telling you that you will die alone and sad IS pessimism. Telling you that you it is possible you might never find somebody who loves you is not pessimism. 

It reminds me of the marshmallow experiment. Basically, there was this experiment with kids involving marshmallows. They put one marshmallow in front of them, then leave the room. Before they leave they say 'hey, if you don't eat that marshmallow when I get back you'll get three'. Almost none of the kids were able to resist the temptation. The ones that were, they actually went on to be very successful adults. I think that feel good uncritical untruths are like saying 'Hey, you eat that marshmallow. You deserve it. It tastes good and you're good and you deserve good things.'

So, in similar equivalent discussions I've had, when I say 'Hey, don't eat that marshmallow.' I feel like the typical response I get is 'What? You don't think they deserve that marshmallow? Why are you so negative? What's wrong with eating that?'. That's a rather obnoxious and far too typical response that has nothing to do with what I'm saying. So now you see why I'm writing this.

Just because it feels bad does not mean it is negative or pessimistic.

Telling the truth is no more pessimistic than saying the Earth revolves around the sun. It's just the truth. It has nothing to do with feelings.

Accepting feel good lies is how religion can be used to manipulate people to hate and call it love. It's the reason people don't vaccinate their kids or instead take new age crystals or homeopathic medicine. It's the reason people will go to a protest and then do nothing else and think they made a difference. It's the reason people think they can literally just think themselves into a different reality like in The Secret. It's the reason there are little girls think being pretty is the most important thing you can be. It's why people will just pray and think that will help. It's how people get into out of control credit card debt. It's how we get duped by a politician saying he's going to make America great again and we don't ask what that even means. It's probably why you're single.

All this stuff does is delay pain, often so it will be more intense later. It solves no problems. It sets up huge amounts of disappointment and disillusion. It actively hurts people, and even though it hurts people with the best of intentions it still hurts them.

One more super important point. I'm not saying be a dick. We've all met that person who says "Hey, I'm just being real!" when really they're just being an asshole. Here's the difference: what greater good did those potential hurt feelings serve? Here's another test: Is it a fact or opinion you're stating? If you say "Your music sucks" you're just being a dick. If you say "The tweeter on left side is out" even though you take great pride in your sound system, I'm just being real. Another test: What's motivating you here? Are you just being a contrarian asshole because you want to look or feel about above all us mere humans? Be as honest with yourself as you apparently are with everyone else.

I have a real big mouth. I'm not going to stop having a big loud mouth. I'm going to keep saying what I think and calling out bullshit where I see it every single time. But I solemnly swear I ask myself the questions above every single time. I assure you there are many times more instances where I just don't say anything because I don't see the value in it. I spend an equal amount of time being the type of compassionate your nice aunt practices. Yes really.

What I'm saying is. This is how I love you. It's not the way a lot of people like. But it's how I operate. I very truly really give such a huge shit about way too many things, and you reading this are chief among them. Because despite all your mountains of bullshit and human flaws, there's a lot more I like about you. Because I love you. You fucking idiot.