Grandma Got Run Over By Amazon

By David Himmel

Author's Note:
On Dec. 22, an 84-year-old woman was tragically struck and killed by an Amazon delivery truck. While this is certainly heartbreaking for the family, especially at this time of the year, and I know the pain that comes from losing a loved one so suddenly, I am inspired by my natural optimism to find the silver lining in all things terrible. And so, I present to you, an updated version of the Elmo & Patsy holiday favorite tune
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

To the tune of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

Grandma got run over by Amazon
Coming home from shopping Christmas Eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
And now me and Grandpa, we agree

These days people do their shopping
From the comfort of their homes
And they wait 'til the last minute
With an on-time delivery from drones

So when we found her Christmas morning
At the scene where she'd been hit
She had tire marks on her forehead
And was buried under boxes of Fit Bits

Grandma got run over by Amazon
Coming home from shopping Christmas Eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
And now me and Grandpa, we agree

We had tried to teach dear Grandma
The ease and joy of online stores
But the old girl wouldn't listen
Now her blue hair is smeared across the doors

Boy oh boy we sure miss Grandma
And we know it's not her fault
We would gladly attend her funeral
But we fear another delivery van assault

Grandma got run over by Amazon
And it's a most certain tragedy
We're damn sure there's no such thing as Santa
But we'll still use Prime to stream TV