Literate ApeCast Ep. 60 — The Episode Wherein Don Takes David Down The Dark Hole of His Navalgazing Existential Crisis

As Don begins the geological transformation from Chicago to Las Vegas, he’s looking at his life and the meaninglessness of existing in a world that keeps moving and drags David into gazing into the abyss with both a sense of hopeless regard and startling optimism. A perfect episode for the holiday season (if the holiday season fills you with anxiety and ennui…)

Plus six things to do in order to keep yourself busy and avoid the thoughts of suicide by cop you envision in the wake of more cheer than you need this month.

Don admits he was both wrong and a big asshole. Moving on from that bombshell, the GentleApes parse out the possibility that we humans are nothing more than machines with consciousness and, if so, why do children not learn to wipe that snot off of their grubby faces? Finally, a bit of YouTube frivolity (in the show notes for your viewing pleasure).

Yes, gang, the guys have six things for you to do so women will find you cool and sexy sans Axe Body Spray.

PLUS, in the show notes is a quick silent video of D&D trying to record a FaceTime call in prep of the bi-coastal ApeCast in a few months.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 58 — A Mensch On A Bench At The Impeach Boutique

David has some issues with the gentrification of Hanukkah as secular Jews keep finding ways to make it as big of a deal as Christmas. He also has a big issue with March On’s newest fundraising idea, the “Impeach Boutique” which takes the Chimps in Charge down a gravel road peppered with opportunists taking advantage of 9/11, the genius of John Waters, and the erroneous concept of being on “the right side of history.”

Plus, six things to do this week to keep your soul from shriveling like a drying dog turd on a lawn from underuse.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 57 — How Did We Survive Before The Internet?

In a Seinfeldian discussion (“What’s the deal with Black Friday?”) the gorilla your dreams get into the weeds of the question of what discounted thing would either elbow jack an old woman for in a Walmart? Also on deck is the question of what we all did before the internet, that science proves men live longer if they stare at boobs, how naked twins n a shopping cart do ‘sexy stuff,’ and David’s trials with Prince Harry’s fake remote control.

As always, six items of homework for you lost and sad souls to engage in following your turkey-induced coma.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 56 — Who’s Worse? Iron Fist Or Dazzler — A Stan Lee Nostalgia Soup

OK. Maybe it was a Blue Wave. What does that mean? The gentlemen of ape-itude also cover the legacy of Stan Lee as well as the idea that culture is a costume rather than the single defining aspect of society.

Are you devoting 45 hours a day on Faceborg? Do you spend the other six hours a day binge-drinking and working in your cubicle? Has porn made your genitals dry and used up? DH (squared) have six things to do that will help fulfill at least a few hours of your week.


Literate ApeCast Ep. 54 — Who’s More Powerful: Donald Trump, Gordon Ramsay, or Taylor Swift?

Some episodes, the Chimps In Charge are on the same page. This is not one of them. Crawling down the rabbit hole to discuss trauma, sexual assault, whether Donald Trump’s rhetoric is responsible for the rise of alt Right violence and Thanksgiving foods, this is like CrossFire if CrossFire had been comprised of two profane idiots yelling at each other.

The stuffing inside the ApeCast turkey, stuffed right up it’s ass with love, is a list of six things to watch, read, or do this week because we know your life is a sad, cubicle-rat existence devoted to handing over your life-force for health benefits and donuts on Friday.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 53 — Don Is A Piece Of Shit With The Breath Of God

With topics that include Trump’s recent attempt to rollback civil rights for transgender citizens, the scariest movies to watch this week, encounters with the strident Left and Right, and an in-depth discussion of writing styles, this is one podcast you should only miss if you’re out having some bacon!

As always, the gentle-apes offer up six things to do, watch, listen to, or read in order to demonstrate that your addiction to Faceborg and Hot Pockets hasn’t caused you to devolve into a meaningless sack of ennui.

CORRECTION: It’s joejanes.net not .com. And it starts with a www.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 52 — Silence Isn’t Complicity But You Better Call Saul For The Final Countdown

This week’s episode is all about pop culture, torture, power ballads, complicity in the horrors of modern capitalism, and Better Call Saul. The gentlemen behind the ApeCast had a ton of things to parse and not enough beer or cigarettes to keep it all in check.

Also, six things to do this week to acknowledge you aren’t simply a plant growing in your grandmother’s basement.


Literate ApeCast Ep. 49 — Bleached Balls And A Wagon Wheel Coffee Table

Holy Confessional Nonsense, Batman! David wants to get rid of his wife’s car, Don’s wife decorates the home far better than he does, David gives us his wisdom about “Titties,” and Don is quite pissed off about the Russian manspreading activist.

And because you need something other than the horrors of Washington for at least a few hours, six things the boys recommend you occupy your time with before you take a bottle of bleach and start spraying on people’s nuts.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 48 — Eating from a Dog Bowl After Yom Kippur

On the eve of Yom Kippur, David tells us about he and brother’s ritual involving baseball , fasting, and a dog bowl, Don shares his lesson from the Special Olympics, and the opportunity for personal growth, the difference between a babysitter and a nanny, and the fact that Fortnite is causing divorces all come up.

Also, the chimps throw you six things to do to keep your otherwise meaningless days filled with distraction.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 46 — “You Know I’m White People, Right?”

Idiots burning their shoes, meta-pornography, police brutality, equity politics, and the ability to talk to the most strident of our population. It was an interesting news week and the Apes certainly had things to yammer about.

Plus six things to consume that will hopefully give you enough things to talk about at work that it hides the fact that you spend most of your time playing FortNite and taking pictures of your food.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 45 — Sometimes a Conversation Can Give You Whiplash

This episode occurs at a point when both monkeys needed some Ritalin or something as they both jump from topic to topic in a rambling mess of conversation. From why neither have seen Crazy Rich Asians to why Don doesn’t wear white jeans, to the touchy history of the phrase “lawn jockeys” to the heroism (or lack thereof) of John McCain, this ride is all over the place!

Plus six things to do (and another six to avoid) to give your otherwise pathetic lives just a smidge more potency.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 43 — Has #MeToo Peaked and Is It WAY Too Soon? ​

Do bad habits indicate you’re smarter than the rest of us or just that you’re a sloppy, late, fantasy who suffers from poor time management skills? As the #MeToo movement is starting to find equilibrium with Arizona Ansari and Chris Hardwick recovering from accusations of harassment and abuse, is it too soon or just right?

Plus six things to do this week that do not involve grabbing someone’s pud or biting your nails.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 42 — Is Offense The Same As Pain Or Are We All Just Glass Joe?

Don reads an article about The Nation redacting and apologizing for a poem they printed which starts out a rambling conversation centered on whether offense is pain, whether Hamilton is problematic, and how Mike Tyson’s 90’s video game was incredibly diverse.

Plus six things for you to do because the screen has boot your brain and you seem to need two assholes in Chicago to spice up your vapid life.

Literate ApeCast Ep 41 — Solving The Problem Of Trump Anxiety Syndrome

Today, David and Don tackle the shadow of anxiety recently defined as Trump Anxiety Syndrome. Dancing around the idea that therapy is either necessary (David) or quackery (Don) both agree that allowing a jackass in the White House cause you to cower in fear or depression is a completely avoidable thing.

And, because your life is filled with so much time to stare at your screen and fill your craven heart with dread due to the non-stop headlines about our Commander-in-Quife, the guys suggest six things more productive.