All in American Shithole

American Shithole #18 — Moving and the Traveling Salesman

I’d love to spare some time this week for Trump’s on-again, off-again (just kiss him already!) love affair with Li’l Kim, or the 1,475 missing migrant children lost due to inhumane policy changes at the DOJ, or whatever else tops the news from now until Thursday in the maelstrom of bile and garbage that is Washington, but I’ve been distracted by my own triumvirate — a difficult household move, an incompetent painting crew, and a door-to-door salesman whose life must’ve depended on selling just one more security package.

American Shithole #17 — The Beautiful Things: Taxi

I asked a group of friends recently, “What is your go to for a feel-good television show?” The answers were as varied as you might imagine. I’d been looking for something to comfort me during a time of stress and sickness, and eventually I settled on an under-appreciated effort from my childhood — dark days require comfort and sanctuary, and there is no sanctuary quite like nostalgia.

American Shithole #10 — Sports and Politics

Shared interest in a sports team is a great way for two disparate people to find common ground. In America, many fathers and sons have relied on this fact for more than a century. At the end of the day though, it’s still a bunch of folks playing bouncy ball, or batty ball, or kicky ball, or throw that ball, and I’m not going to make small talk about sports with you, just to save you the embarrassment of defending your shitty ideas about the current state of American politics.

American Shithole #8 — Betsy DeVos: Just Like Mom

It’s been a while since we’ve heard from DeVos — American education’s evangelical Betsy Ross — sewing her particular brand of plutocratic dominion posing as conservative Christian education reform, into the national fabric of the public school system. I imagine her gently rocking in her chair up in Michigan (where she destroyed the public school system on a state level), just a harmless old grandma, doing the lord’s work from her front porch.

American Shithole #7 — Besties

Today however, I feel compelled to shut the front door on all the chaos of our political hell-scape, and instead write a short article about friends. Best friends, really. Not the particulars about my best friend — we shall call him, Peter — but the bonus points in life you generally receive if you’ve been lucky enough to have developed a close friendship along your way.

American Shithole #6 — Gifts

This last week has been an emotional one for me. It’s been very emotional I imagine, for most of us. I struggle now to express this deepest sense of gratitude that I feel toward these brave students. Their courage in the face of terrible adversity and horrifying opposition has provided an influx of faith in humanity, and a renewed interest in impaling baddies.

American Shithole #5 — Fuck You, NRA

So we will cheer as these brave children that have survived another horrific American school shooting, share impassioned pleas for sanity and meaningful action — even though we all fear their voices will fall on deaf republican ears. That nothing again will be done. Nothing that will have any effect, anyway. Certainly not with Trump in office. I am writing this as of Tuesday, a few days will pass before this posts, and their young, beautiful, powerful voices will fade into the background static as the news outlets are forced to focus on whatever new insanity emerges.

I would really, really, like to be wrong.

American Shithole #4 — What Treasures Await Within The Failure Box?

“Mom, can I have more shelf-stable milk?”

“Now Timmy, you know you have already had your governmentally allotted granules of dehydrated, dairy product! You know the billionaire class needs every cent the rest of us can spare, for really important reasons, like they want it. Now help your sister open the meat.

“Aww, mom! But I need strength in my bones for the Trump Parade!

Well, now that the Trump parade is every second Thursday of the month, I guess you’re right, son!”