On Book Covers and Online Summaries: The Bumper Stickers That Define Us

The next time I'm in traffic, I start to notice my micro-complaining at various bad drivers and notice a trend. No labels, no specifics in the pejorative. In plain, if a Prius cuts me off, my mind says "Fucking NPR." Which is only ironic in that I drive a Prius and used to work for...  If a car that takes too long to turn left in front of me has a BlackHawks sticker, it's "Goddamn Blackhawk fuckwad!" No label or obvious marker?  It's just "Fucking asshole!" and we move on.

I'm pretty sure this isn't a specific phenomenon esoteric to me.

The Pursuit of Happiness in a FunEmployment World

The pursuit of happiness is inextricably wrapped up in the inevitable that sometimes you will fail in your pursuit. The pursuit of happiness often comes with great sadness and obstacles you encounter trying to attain your dream. But as Americans, we are at least given the hope that we can pursue something resembling happiness. It is so engrained in the fabric of our country that we mostly take for granted our freedom to make these choices. 

New Political Mascots That Fit the Current Parties

What the hell does an elephant or a mule have to do with either of these parties today? Are elephants dogmatic, rich and selfish? Are mules empathic, secular and over-educated? Not that I know of. Where’s Sir David Attenborough when you need him?

And of course, the above attributes aren’t all that make up the two parties. I suggest, based on a series of less tangible traits, that we find new mascots. I hereby nominate, to represent the Republicans, the bonobo. And to represent the Democrats, the chihuahua. 

Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of February 25, 2018

• My pregnant wife could pop that kid out at any given moment. People keep asking me if I’m scared or freaking out or panicking. No. None of those things. I’m ready to get on with it. I have been for months. Let’s get this little turd out and get on with the New World Order. The sooner he’s here, the sooner he’ll be old enough to come sailing with his old man and have a conversation without shitting himself. That’s what I’m looking forward to.

A Comprehensive Open Letter To My Fellow Depressives

I’ve picked up a few truths, I think that’s what they are at least.

I would never presume to be smart enough to have access to the truth. These are just mine right now.

Just some stuff that’s helped me, and I throw this out there into the void of the internet with the hopes that it’ll hit someone who needs it.

And if only one person is given a lift here, I hope that person is you.

American Shithole #6 — Gifts

This last week has been an emotional one for me. It’s been very emotional I imagine, for most of us. I struggle now to express this deepest sense of gratitude that I feel toward these brave students. Their courage in the face of terrible adversity and horrifying opposition has provided an influx of faith in humanity, and a renewed interest in impaling baddies.

Dog Shit and how Disgust Makes the World Go 'Round

I suspect many people have a visceral reaction to dog shit, baby shit, and any kind of shit. And pee. That milk carton in the refrigerator. A backed-up toilet, dishwasher or garbage disposal. A restaurant grease trap. Woof, that smell. That is disgust. The revulsion. This was a useful, evolutionary survival mechanism to make sure the cave dweller didn't eat something that will kill the tribe. Don't eat it, don't smell it, don't even look at it. This isn't fear, anger or sadness, it's disgust.