I, Thief — Notes from the Purloining Life

I was an artistic kid who wanted to experiment with looks, so when mom was done taking me to the thrift store for back to school shopping (where she must have thought I got everything, because she never asked me about any of my clothes), I hoofed it to the mall.

Ah. The Mall. Many a warm late summer day spent in its confines, layering one pair of pants under another. Putting a nice shirt on underneath a not-so-nice one. Trading a pair of old shoes for new. Pulling off tags and staying away from anything with a magnetic button attached to it.

Recent Memory: Case File #0002: "The Millennium Bug"

What was the news?
The Millennium Bug.

How was this news?
Two thousand years were about to end in the 1990s. We'd all celebrated New Year's before, and seen more than one or two decades go by (stop reading if you haven't, this is PG-13). Even a select few of us are lucky enough to live over 100 years, or cursed by a painting. But, this was "Dick Clark's Rock Hard New Year's Event of 19Goddamn99, Jabronies!." The odometer rolling over into a whole new number. And, damn were some people into it. Jennifer Lopez waited for tonight, Will Smith sampled the name. And Prince, true to form, was ahead of his time. Despite being the construct of a guy who would soon hate March 15, then a Pope who had to fix it, people gave a nearly supernatural significance to the upcoming year of 2000.

What The Duck!

I mean, I understand a joke. I heard one weeks ago and I legitimately LOLed. But this type of misrepresentation of an entire species of aquatic bird is irresponsible, despicable and immoral. Most ducks I have met are simply trying to get on with it. Just living life. A hard working dad, finding fish to regurgitate into mom’s bill. An ever vigilant mother who leads 12 kids across the street, without government assistance or welfare of any kind.

Manufacturing Wounded Status to Beat the System

Do white males in America really feel marginalized by the strident Left? I don’t think so. I think these MRAs and Alt-Right dipshits see those who are banking on victimhood, elevating their marginalized survival as somehow heroic and cashing in on it as just another opportunity to seize some much needed financing. 

A (Non-denominational) Recovering Jew Among Them

At church I felt OK. In sat next to Tommy who explained Catholic things to me. Ironically, I felt more comfortable in that Catholic church than I did in any Jewish temple I’d been in in the last 10 years. Maybe it’s because I feel betrayed by the Jewish people. Maybe it’s because I think Zionism is as evil as anti-Semitism. Maybe it’s because the rabbi at the temple where I grew up seems to have next to no concern for his dwindling congregation and the economic slide of his community so long as he keeps collecting his handsome salary—with benefits. I dunno, but I felt OK.