All in Don Hall

I Believe… [Auto Insurance is a Scam]

…that the idea of insurance is a great one but the reality of getting your parked car hit by a drunk kid in his mom's truck with scam insurance and then having to negotiate the value of your car with your own insurance company that has determined the cosmetic damage is too costly to fix so fuck it, it's a total loss, we'll settle with you for a third of the resale value of the car is not so fucking great.

Screaming at Weeds Doesn't Make Them Disappear

It's as if our ancestors have been toiling away, trying to get rid of weeds in the yard and we woke up to more weeds and threw up our arms, fell to our knees (all set to strains of Barber's Adagio for Strings in G minor) and screamed "But WHYYYYYY?" when we saw that more weeds had sprouted up overnight.

Chasing Our Tails: The Russian Hackers Knew Us Better Than We Thought

We laugh because dogs, while often more intelligent than we think, aren't as intelligent as we want them be nor as savvy as those fucking dogs in the movies.

Many dogs never get the urge to chase their tails and, if you've ever tried to teach one that does you understand the near impossibility of it. The dog that chases its tail is blind to the distinctions.

Why do dogs chase their tails, though?

My 600-pound Bowl of Cheesy Fear

Snickers Bar = 250 calories
Two Pop Tarts = 400 calories
A plate of Curly Fries = 600 calories
Wendy’s signature Apple Pecan Chicken Salad = 570 Calories

Christ - even Fast Food salads pack on the shit like duct taping clay to your ass.